


Lover Boy

by pastelglow



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Female Reader, First Everything, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Neighbours, Pining, Post-Peaceful Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Summer Love, feel good story, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22348456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelglow/pseuds/pastelglow
Summary: You got a new neighbour! What you didn't expect: it's an android. Not that it makes any difference to you.Connor seems to be polite and very caring at first. But you soon realize that there's a lot more to him. He struggles figuring out how to act on all his newfound emotions and you show him that it's only human to make mistakes.Much to your surprise, Connor helps you just as much as you help him.
Relationships: Connor (Detroit: Become Human)/Reader
Comments: 53
Kudos: 218





	1. I Like (the idea of) You

It was April, when you got yourself a new neighbour. April 16th to be exact. 

The apartments here were on the smaller side, but they were pretty decent. And really, since you were living by yourself, you didn’t need more space. You had everything you needed, even a small balcony. And that was surely your favourite thing of your apartment.

The problem was, the balcony of the apartment next door was right next to yours. There was just a small space between the two, and just a simple glass railing, not really offering any privacy at all. While it did look pretty nice and modern, you wished there would be a thin wall at least. 

So when you first heard noises coming from the apartment next door, and you realized that someone must have been moving in, you weren’t exactly excited. Someone was living there before of course, but you didn’t even see that person’s face once. Was it a man or a woman? What was their job? The only thing you did know was, they never used their balcony. Part of you hoped you would get that lucky again, but you knew that was unlikely to happen. 

The thing was - It felt like your own little sanctuary. And you would have loved to keep that for yourself. Especially when that the days would get warmer now, you were looking forward to spending most of your days off outside again. Just watching a movie on your phone in your PJs, listening to music and doing silly dance moves as your morning exercise? Even enjoying a cigarette while watching the city lights - It was so nice to do all that while no one was watching.

So, long story short: You weren’t too happy about getting a new neighbour.

xoxox

You waited for a long time that evening. Only after all the noises from moving furniture in the neighbouring apartment settled down, did you feel comfortable enough to go out for a smoke. You craved for a cigarette for over an hour, and only then you decided that it would be safe enough to go outside. It was late, and maybe they decided to call it a night already. Which you should have done too already, having to wake up early the next day. 

Now you knew, that you would most definitely meet your new neighbour at one point. The reason you waited so long to finally go outside wasn’t because you wanted to avoid them _forever_.

But honestly, you weren’t keen on making first impressions while wearing your sweats and having greasy hair. It was your day off after all, and you spent it at home. So why would you have bothered to wear something else than some old, comfy sweats? Still, you felt self-conscious about meeting new people dressed like _that_. 

So when you finally did go outside, the first thing you did was to stretch your arms over your head to get as much fresh air into your lungs as possible. You didn’t move a lot that day and it felt good to breathe in the fresh, chilly air. Of course you took a cautious look to the other balcony while doing so.

And you bit your lip – an attempt to hold back from swearing.

Of course, you weren’t lucky. The time you spent craving that cigarette was for nothing. Looking back, it would have made more sense to just go out while your neighbour was still making noises, because at least then, you would have been sure that they were inside – not on the balcony.

Well, your new neighbour turned out to be a man. Maybe he didn’t notice you, or maybe he just chose to ignore you for the moment, but while you grabbed the lighter and a smoke from the pack on the table, you mustered your new neighbour. He was leaning on the railing, taking in the view in front of you. It wasn’t that special. The street was basically underneath you, which wasn’t that pretty to look at, and sometimes really noisy, but you did have a nice look of you very own Detroit skyline. 

“It’s got a nice view, right?” you said before thinking. Maybe you should have greeted him first? Or at least introduced yourself? _No! Just talk about the view, because that makes sense._

You sighed at your behaviour and lit your cigarette. You mimicked him by leaning on the railing and inhaled deeply.

“Yeah”, your neighbour agreed after a couple of seconds, which made you think he really was avoiding you at first. “Seems like living on the top floor of the building has its perks too.”

“I agree”, you smiled. "But it will get really hot in summer, so don't celebrate just yet." Only then did you turn your head to look at him again. He was looking right back at you which allowed you to get a proper look at his face for the first time.

At first, your mind went blank. So your neighbour didn't only turn out to be a man, but a very handsome one at that. The faint glow of light coming from his own apartment illuminated the features of his face just in the right way – making him look almost mysterious in a way. There was a polite smile present on his lips, strangely enough, it didn't look fake at all. But what caught you off guard was that pair of eyes. Dark as the night was, you couldn't make out their colour. And although they appeared to be pitch black, you couldn’t help but notice the warmth in them. Very attractive indeed. 

Needless to say, you didn’t hold the eye contact for too long. Instead, you took another pull on your cigarette. The annoying little voice in the back of your head nagging away on your own confidence didn't shut up.

“I am sorry, I’m being rude”, your pretty neighbour suddenly said. You dared to glance at his direction. He straightened up and shook his head. “I should have introduced myself first, being your new neighbour. My name is Connor.”

Well, _Connor_ – he was the one moving that day and still managed to look like he just styled his hair a second ago. Sporting a crisp white shirt, and what seemed to be black jeans, he looked effortlessly good. Life was unfair sometimes. Or maybe it was just you being far too lazy on your days off. At least you bothered to even brush your hair in the morning.

“Nice to meet you Connor”, you finally said and introduced yourself right after it. “And if anything, I should be the one apologising. I should have greeted you the moment I came outside. I mean, I’m not leaving a great first impression here, right?” 

Connor didn’t answer, but looked at you with a puzzled look, as if he didn’t know what you were talking about. You didn’t know what to say, either. The cigarette still wasn’t finished, and it would be rude to just put it out and go back inside anyway? 

So you settled on asking him a question instead. “Are you finished with moving already?”

“Yes”, Connor quickly answered, then paused for a second. “I don’t have much to move, so it didn’t take a lot of time.”

You nodded, not sure what to reply. “That’s good.” _And there went another point from your social skills._ To your defence, your neighbour didn’t try either! Maybe he just wanted you to leave. 

“May I ask you something?” Connor then said, which stopped your thoughts.

 _Woah_. Where did that come from? The look on your face must have given away your surprise.

“I’m sorry _again_. I’m… not used to… Well...” He tried to continue, but his forehead showed some wrinkles, as he knitted his eyebrows. He pressed his lips together and… almost looked a bit lost? 

And what did he mean, he was not used to... to _what_? Making small talk? Because it sure looked like you just found someone that was worse at it than you. That actually pulled the corner of your lips up into a small grin.

“It’s alright, what do you wanna know?” You said, surprising yourself a little at how easy that came out of your mouth. 

Your grin grew when your new neighbour raised his head and looked at you, his expression showing curiosity. “I don’t understand why people smoke. Is there any gain from it? Why did you start?” 

_Well. That wasn’t a question you expected._ Not like you had any expectations to begin with. 

“Or, you know... just ignore that!” Connor quickly added. You had a hard time deciding whether his shy behaviour was cute or… plain awkward. Probably both. 

Either way, you shook your head. “No, that’s a good question actually. I’m just surprised you’d ask about that.”

“I shouldn’t have! I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that lately I find myself curious about… a lot of things.” His voice got quieter at the end of the sentence, and he looked very flustered. “I’m sorry again. This is just all so new, human habits, emotions. It’s hard to fit in.”

Oh _._

_Ohhh._

“You’re an Android,” you realized. And all of a sudden, nothing about this conversation seemed awkward anymore. It made sense now, that Connor was even worse at small talk than you were. Which wasn’t that hard, but still.

What didn’t make sense though was that his eyes looked so full of emotions and warmth, when he nodded - you would have never guessed he was an android! Such a shy expression on such a handsome face - it made you give him a big smile.

And to loosen up the moment, you chose to answer his questions. “So a lot of people start smoking when they're young. You know, being curious and wanting to try things.”

“I get that, yes”, Connor said bashfully. “So how did _you_ start then? Were you just curious as well?”

You thought about it for a couple of seconds, looking at the almost finished cigarette between your fingers. “Maybe when I started, but continuing it is just because I’m stupid.”

That did manage to bring a little smile on Connor’s face. “I felt like dying after my first couple of cigarettes! But somehow I still found myself craving for them in stressful situations.”

“Were you stressed right now?” Connor asked, tilting his head.

You laughed. “No. Not really. After a while, smoking becomes a habit. You’ll have one with your coffee, you want a cigarette after meals. Sometimes you’re just bored. It’s strange, really.” You paused after that, putting out your cigarette in the ashtray on the small table behind you.

You then walked to the railing again, this time standing right at the corner closest to Connor’s balcony. He seemed to wait for you to conclude your explanation. You just shrugged. “You know, some people choose to do yoga or mediation to calm down from stress. And for me that is smoking… it's my own kind of breathing exercise.”

At that last sentence, Connor gave you a look that made you laugh. He almost looked offended, and when he talked, even his voice sounded doubtful. “ _Breathing exercise._ I’m not sure that’s the right term to describe it. Smoke can cause swelling in your lungs which leads to-“

“Yeah! I know, I know. It’s unhealthy.” You stopped him. What he was telling you was nothing new, but you chose to ignore the possible consequences of smoking. “It's not like I’m not promoting it, right? I’m just harming myself. Although… I can offer you one if you’re curious to try.” 

“Thank you, but I think I’m fine. ”Just as expected, he gave you another strange look. One that made you laugh for real. 

“Just tell me, when you change your mind!” You grinned, and he seemed to notice that you were just joking, because he laughed then too. It sounded nice, you thought.

Connor then turned his attention back to the view in front of you. His shoulders heaved up a little, as if he was sighing. Which surely, he wasn't, right? “Sorry again for being awkward", he said. 

“Don’t mention it. Usually, I’m the awkward one, so it’s nice that once in a while I see others struggle with it.” You failed to suppress the yawn right after talking, and it reminded you that you should go to bed soon. 

Connor seemed to notice that too. “It’s getting cold, you should hurry inside.”

“Will do”, you nodded. “Thanks for the nice conversation.”

“Yeah, of course”, Connor laughed, but shook his head. His palm found its way to the back of his neck, and he turned to look at you again. “It was nice meeting you.”

You nodded, a bright smile on your lips. “Likewise, Connor”, you said before going back inside. So maybe you weren’t that unlucky with your new neighbour after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? If you enjoyed it, I'd love to hear about it in the comments.
> 
> I hope it was alright. This first chapter turned out to be a little short, I intend to keep the next ones longer. My plan is to update at least once a week.  
> This work isn't beta'd, so if you find some major mistakes, please let me know.
> 
> Thank you a lot for reading this far!


	2. Come Out And Play

Your alarm didn’t go off.

Or maybe it did, and you decided to turn it off while being half asleep? You didn’t know, nor did it make a difference. Because either way, you overslept over half an hour.

When you opened your eyes and your gaze fell on the clock on the wall, it took you just a moment longer until your brain was awake enough to get the time. As soon as realisation hit you, your heart started to panic, which made you jump out of bed as fast as possible. 

Which wasn’t the brightest idea.

Not only did you get dizzy from getting up too fast, but you tangled your foot somehow between the bedsheets. That led to you stumbling and almost falling out of your bed. _Almost_. While you did manage to keep your balance enough to not land face-first on the carpet, you bumped your shin on the nightstand. A rather long sequence of swearwords followed suit. That would leave a nasty bruise.

Already damning that day, you then hobbled your way to the bathroom and got ready for the day as fast as possible. As soon as you brushed your teeth, combed your hair and changed into something clean, you didn’t even take a moment to get a glass of water. And you could only dream of coffee.

Your phone and keys in one hand you slammed the door shut behind you with your other. Another quiet swear word left your mouth. You shouldn’t have done that, even the neighbours underneath you must have heard that slam!

Anyways, you didn’t have time to worry about that. Would you be able to get the next bus? You looked at your phone to get the time.

Well. _Shit_.

At least now you knew, why you didn’t wake up in time. Your phone was dead, you forgot to charge it overnight. So, of course, the alarm didn’t go off.

You chewed on your lips, scolding yourself for being so stupid, while you turned to face the door. Before you were able to even stick the keys in the hole, you got startled by the door besides you opening. Your keys fell from your hands.

At that point, you were so utterly annoyed at yourself that all you were able to do, was silently looking at them for a few seconds. You had not even made a move to reach down for your keys when your new handsome neighbour had already picked them up.

With dumbfounded eyes you looked at the keys, he was trying to give you back until you noticed how dumb you must have looked. Connor, however, offered you a smile, and when you opened your palm for him to drop the keys in them, he greeted you with a cheerful “Good Morning”.

“Morning”, you mumbled, breathing a quiet “Thanks”, as well. You couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment longer than necessary. So your assumption from the other night proved to be true.

Well, half true. He was quite attractive. Yes. But more so than you thought. He was some real _hot stuff_. 

One of his brows arched slightly; he gave you a questioning look.

The grip around your keys threatened to get loose again, so you stopped staring at him before you made an even bigger fool out of yourself. At least you managed to lock your door on the first try then.

 _Get a grip on yourself!_ You thought as you put the keys into your pocket. Maybe it was just the lack of caffeine? Or the lack of nicotine? Ah, you craved for a cigarette. You really did. 

“You seem to be in a rush”, Connor said.

“Yeah, I am.” You remembered. “I missed my bus. And… probably the next one too, if I don’t hurry. Do you have the time?”

“It’s 7:19”, he answered you.

“Shit”, you mumbled under your breath. “Uh. Thanks, but I really gotta go now!” More like you had to run! You were already turning away from him, but before you took a second step, he stopped you.

“Wait”, he called out, and only when your attention turned back to him, he continued talking. “I could drive you. I only need to be at work at eight, so I have plenty of time…”

You raised both your brows, surprised. You considered his words for a second, but dismissed his offer. He was just being polite, and you didn’t want to take advantage of him being nice. “That’s really sweet, but I couldn’t ask that of you.” 

Connor quickly shook his head, before you took off again. “No, I wouldn’t mind at all”, he said.

 _Oh wow_. Look at those warm brown eyes. How were you supposed to say no to that? And if he insisted, then why should you?

“Okay”, you agreed and it made him show a smile that was contagious. “But only if you need to go downtown too. I don’t want you to go out of your way because of me. Literally.”

“Where do you work?” He asked you.

“In the Saint Anne Hospital”, you said. It was basically in the heart of Detroit. 

“That’s just a block away from where I work. So it’s not an inconvenience at all”, he beamed. Connor then locked his own door, before the two of you made your way down to the parking lot.

When you reached his car, he looked over to you, before getting in. “Are you a nurse? A doctor?”

You shrugged, “Well yeah. I'm a resident doctor.”

“You are?” He raised his brows, and you huffed. You got in the passenger seat just before Connor did, and when he did, you smiled.

“Why, is it that hard to believe?”

“No, of course not.” The motor started with a steady rumble and a moment later you were already on the streets. “I’m impressed. You must be very hard working.”

“Hmm”, you huffed. “Let’s say, I try to be.”

“What’s your speciality?”

“I’ve done a view years of training in general and emergency surgery, but I focus on cardiac surgery now”, you explained.

“That’s good. Although I imagine, it's very competitive nowadays. To be a doctor I mean.” His voice got a bit higher at the last few words, as if he was asking you about it. You chose to ignore it. You really didn't want to talk about it, and least of all with someone you basically just met. It was a long story. 

“Speaking of… Where do _you_ work? Wait. Let me guess.” Your eyes wandered over him one more time, but this time you were analysing what he was wearing. A nice looking jacket, it fit him very well. Underneath a button-down shirt, crisp white and perfectly ironed. A black tie. “You’re dressing like a smart guy. Are you a teacher?”

Connor’s laugh was breathy. “I only _dress_ like one?” He shot you an amused look, before returning his attention back to the street.

You grinned. He was an android. Of course, he was smart. And of course, there was no need for you to tell him, he knew anyways. “Are you fishing for compliments? ‘Cause it sure looks like it. So. Are you a teacher?" 

He shook his head. “No, not a teacher.”

“Hmm. Next try.”, you observed him one more time. "I mean... your clothes are tailored... _maybe_? At least it's nothing too cheap. You could be a lawyer.”

“What makes you think that my clothes are expensive?”

“Well…” You averted your eyes from him and looked at the street instead. “Because they _fit_.”

“Okay, I see, you've got a sharp eye.” There was amusement in his voice. “But I have to disappoint you again. Not a lawyer either.”

“Are you sure?" You smiled. “Okay, I’m out of guesses.”

“Already?” Connor smiled. “I work at the DPD.”

You stayed silent for a moment. Wait. An android working for the police... Where did you hear that before?

“Wait a minute! You’re the one that was involved with that whole Android Revolution, right? I wasn't sure, but now I know I’ve seen your face before! You were on the news. TV, newspapers, all over the internet!”

Connor grimaced at your excitement. “I mean, yes, but... Uh… I don’t really…”

“Oh, wow. Who knew one of the heroes of the Revolution gives me a ride to work one day?” You said.

“Don’t… I’m far from being a hero, please don’t-” Connor getting all shy from that was a strangely cute look on his handsome face.

“Relax! I’m just teasing you!” You laughed. “But for real now. I actually believed that the press made parts of the story up. I thought they were making the android cop up, to make a better story? And that deviant leader? Was that all true?”

“There is some classified information that I can’t tell you of course”, Connor started. “Sure, they embellished some things here and there. But I think the press portrayed the situation fairly well.”

Connor stopped the car when he reached the hospital, and you unbuckled yourself. “ _Fairly good?_ So I don’t get any details? Bummer. Maybe I can squeeze some details out of you next time we see each other. I mean I owe you one for giving me a ride!” You looked at the clock displaying at the corner of the board computer. You already opened the door of the car, before turning back to look at him once again. “And don’t worry, I won’t treat you like a celebrity now, I promise.”

“Good to know”, Connor laughed. “Have a good day at work.”

“You _are_ a hero though. A hero for bringing me to work in time. I even have time for a quick coffee thanks to you”, you said. 

Your hand was already on the handle, but you then looked back to him, narrowing your eyes a little. “Tell me, Connor. Are you always this nice?” That was meant to be a joke, although it was a little strange indeed. People that were always nice… they usually wanted something in return. But he didn’t give off any strange vibes at all. 

He laughed at what you said. “I don’t know how to answer that. I just do what I think is normal? I mean… Are _you_ always that suspicious?”

You shrugged. “I think it’s good to not blindly trust anyone.”

“That is true. And yet I managed to lure you into my car pretty easily”, Connor said with a grin.

You laughed at his smug face. “You _almost_ got me there.”

“Almost?” He said.

“I mean… there’s room for improvement”, you smiled. “But honestly now, it’s nice of you to offer me a ride. Thanks again.”

“Don’t even mention it”, Connor said.

“I mean it. I owe you one!” With that, you hopped out of the car and walked away from him. You looked over your shoulder after a few steps, and since Connor was still there, looking at you with a small smile on his face, you waved him goodbye. Your handsome neighbour nodded at you with a small smile. Your own smile grew wider, then you hurried inside to get yourself a lukewarm cup of coffee and a quick cigarette. 

xoxox

It was past midnight when you were on your balcony for a smoke. Just when your mind wandered to your nice neighbour, you heard him step out to his own balcony.

“Hey there”, you said with a low voice. He looked startled, as if not expecting to meet you out here.

“Hey.” He simply said. “You’re still up?”

You shifted a little in your chair, to take a proper look at him. He was still in his usual clothes. “Yeah, I just came home not long ago.”

Connor gave you a small nod, but didn’t say anything. You could see his gaze lingering on your cigarette for a second. Then, he leaned on the railing with his forearms and looked at the view in front of you. 

“Is everything alright?” You asked.

“Yes.” That was an immediate answer. What a bad liar he was! 

“Well, obviously something’s _not_ good. I offer you a friendly ear if you’d like to. If not, that’s okay too.” You put out your cigarette, but remained in your chair. You waited for him to either tell you another lie about how he was okay, or to tell you to fuck off. Rephrased into something much more polite of course. Connor had good manners.

Surprisingly, he turned his head to look at you, and there was no trace of his polite smile. Instead, he looked sad to you. Or deep in thought. 

“Just know that you can talk to me and I won’t judge.” You offered with a friendly smile.

“Why are people like this?” He said after a while.

His voice was low and it took you by surprise. You almost thought he was talking about you for a second. Maybe you should just worry about your own business and stop bothering him? No, that couldn’t be it. Connor was too nice for that. So you waited for him to continue, since you had no clue what he meant.

He released a sigh. “Why do some people start a fight for no reason? Just for the sake of it? Is that really just… human nature?”

You opened your mouth to say something, but clearly, you didn’t know what. Should you just comfort him? Or ask him about what happened? “Hmm… You know, for all I know, humans act in unexpected ways all the time. Sometimes they don’t mean what they say.”

Connor didn’t answer anything, just continued looking down at the empty street.

How could someone be angry at Connor at all? It was hard for you to imagine, but maybe he wasn't that polite, nice guy at work? As a cop, you had to be a little ruthless, right? _Right?_ “There’s also the possibility that the one you’re talking about is just being a dick.” You offered. “I don’t know what happened, but maybe that person has some anger issues.” 

You managed to get a little amused huff out of your handsome neighbour. It made you smile too.

“See, I bet it’s just that,” you said.

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Connor said.

“So what? Someone’s being a dick towards you, why care about it?” You then continued. “If there’s one thing I learned from my dad… it’s that you should never ever give a damn about the kind of people that make you feel bad. They’re not worth it, so don’t allow them to bring you down.”

“You say that so easily.”

“I _know_ it’s not. And I wish I could give you a better advice.” You looked at the street and thought about it. “But this is the best one I can give. It took me some time to follow that advice too, because it sounds like some poetic bullshit. _But_. Don’t give others the power to decide your emotions. Whether you’re happy or sad or angry, don't let them decide. Sure, others can be part of your happiness, of your sadness. But it’s _you_ who decides what _you_ feel. Not them.” You said, reciting your dad.

Again, Connor chose to stay silent.

“Look, I don’t know what they said, but I highly doubt it’s something true, or something you should care about. And even _if_ they’re right, and remember, I said _if_ …. It’s _your_ life. So don’t let some dick destroy your mood.” You said. 

“So to conclude your thoughts…” Connor said, a smile in his voice. “He’s a dick.”

“Exactly! You’re a quick learner!” Connor laughed at that too, but you could see in his eyes, that he was still brooding over it.

“It’s a co-worker of mine. I don’t even have to work directly with him, most of the time. But he still starts fights with me at every possible occasion”, Connor opened up. It made you feel a little proud, that you managed to do that. And glad. 

A frustrated sigh was your answer. “Stress with colleagues. That’s the worst. You can't really do much about it.”

“Do you have them too?”

You smiled at him, as he gave you a curious look. “Who doesn’t?” 

The two of you stayed silent after that. You weren’t really sure what to say anymore, as you didn’t want to sound like a know-it-all. Because you sure as hell weren’t. You did want to help him, you just weren’t sure how. Nor were you exactly sure… why. Or if he even wanted your help. 

“It’s getting cold, you should go inside,” Connor said after a while. The wind has been picking up a little, true. “The weather forecast predicts a strong possibility of rain in the morning.”

“Great.” You said. A sigh left your mouth before you looked at him once again. He looked really sad still. Anyways, you decided to wait a little longer. Maybe Connor wanted to say more; you felt like he did. “How about we both go inside, and you come over for… well maybe _not_ for a hot cup of tea, but for a nice talk? Maybe try to get some stuff off your mind?” 

He looked at you as if he had seen a ghost. His eyes were questioning you; why would you offer that? 

You shrugged at his silent question. “For me, it’s easier to open up about my problems with people I barely know. And it’s only an offer. Don’t feel like you have to if you don’t want to, okay?” You smiled at him, but the way he looked at you…

“I, uh... I really don’t know what to say,” He said. 

He was right. “Yeah, sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything… I…” You rubbed your palms together, feeling very stupid. Were you thinking that you would actually be able to help him? “Just promise me to not bottle it all up. Okay?”

You were embarrassed for still continuing talking to him, but you did give him one last glance, before you turned. You put your hand on the handle. “I… should go inside. Sorry again-“

“Wouldn’t it be too much of a bother for you to listen to me?”

“What-“ You stopped in your tracks, and gave him a wide-eyed look. “Of course not.” One corner of your lips raised and you shook your head. "Come on over, I'll open the door for you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far! I hope you liked it.  
> I think this will be the beginning of a friendship?  
> I'll update once a week, so I hope to see you again next chapter :)


	3. Honey, There's No Time

You waited in front of a hardware store. 

Your shift that day left you terribly exhausted and you felt a slight headache coming your way. Oh, you craved the warmth of your bed after a hot shower to scrub off all the sweat and especially to get rid of the hospital stench. 

But when you spotted Connor just across the street, you suppressed the yawn that was coming with your thoughts. The pretty boy from the apartment next door held a paper cup in his hands, that looked suspiciously like coffee. 

It probably wasn't his, and really, when he was close enough to you he greeted you with a polite smile and handed you the cup. 

Yep, the scent of coffee hit your nose and you smiled at him in return. "Just what I needed right now," you said. 

"I didn't know how you drink your coffee, so I hope it's okay like that," he quickly said. 

"As long as it's coffee, I'm satisfied," you said. You took a sip, and when you noticed Connor observing you, you nodded and gave him a quick thumbs-up. 

"It's really nice," you added. And with that, he looked like that took a weight off his chest. Connor acted so unknowingly cute, really innocent and just so nice. It was quite refreshing to talk to him. You enjoyed talking to him so much, you even looked forward to this little meet-up. Yeah, you were just two neighbours going to a hardware store together, because you couldn't really think of anything else back then. 

And why not look for plants and flowers for your balcony together? You were sure, Connor never did something like that, so it was a new experience for him as well. Yes, he had been quite surprised when you suggested to spend time together that night you invited him over to your place to talk. Even you yourself were surprised at that bold offer. _Bold_ was maybe not the right word. But then again, you've shut yourself off from every kind of relationship for quite some time now, so it was a bold move coming from you. 

You almost regretted even asking him that. 

But the confused yet happy smile that bloomed on the androids face made your worries disappear. He agreed eagerly. 

Now the challenge was where to go. Cafés, restaurants, bars - those were all out of question. Especially since your intention wasn't really to take him out on a date. So you wanted to do something mundane. Something where you'd be able to talk some more. It was just so easy, to keep up interesting conversations with him. He didn't filter himself when he talked, he said whatever was going through his mind. And although it was a bit awkward at first, to talk certain things with basically a stranger, you quickly stopped worrying about it. Connor didn't judge your words nor your opinions. You didn't get the feeling that you overshared with him, or said too little. Connor, although he was perfect in many other ways, simply wasn't experienced with socializing. Which made him the perfect conversationalist for you. 

And then, there was something in the way he looked at you, with his honest eyes, that made your heart feel warm and trusted. There was no denying that Connor was pure eye candy, but after he confided some of his worries to you, laughed with you and listened to you, you realized that he was so much more than just a pretty shell. 

_You... you just clicked._

“You look tired. Exhausting day at work?” Connor said.

“Yep, it was busy at the hospital today, but I'm used to it. It's like that most days. Today's different though," you said. 

"And why's that?" He asked. 

"You’ve provided me with pure energy right here. That’ll keep me up for another couple of hours at least.” 

Connor grinned almost sheepishly. “That’s good then.”

“So... You've never been to a hardware store before?” You asked him.

Connor looked at the building behind you and then back at you. “Not yet.”

“Most guys like to wander through hardware stores. I have to admit that I like it too," you said. "Though I'm more into the gardening section." 

“Wouldn’t it be easier to do some online shopping?” Connor asked. "Especially with flowers. You don't have to carry them home, and I just checked - most hardware stores offer to even plant them for you just the way you want it." 

You thought about what to answer to him. Because he wasn’t wrong. But he wasn’t right either. “I get why people would choose to do that. But for me, some things are just better if I choose them myself. I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned when it comes to those things." 

"Old-fashioned isn't something bad, isn't it?" Connor asked. 

"That's up to you to decide for yourself," you answered. "Anyways, I thought it would be nice to come here. You might even find things for your own home? Get some inspirations, see something new maybe?” 

Connor nodded slowly. “Maybe? That would be nice.” 

“Right?” You laughed. “Let’s go inside and maybe you'll get charmed by the magic of hardware stores.” 

“Okay”, he said, still smiling. 

xoxox

“You know, I'm curious about something," you said as you looked over the selection of herbs that shop was selling. Especially those lovely bushes of basil they offered.

Connor turned to look at you and raised his brow. "What is it?" 

"Can you taste?” You asked. 

Connor looked at you as if he didn’t quite understand your question. Which was nonsense – of course, he understood you. Even if you’d chosen to speak some ancient, dead language he would’ve understood. 

But you still chose to rephrase your question. "I mean, like... can you distinguish between tastes? Remember them? And do you have preferences?" 

“I can taste. At least, I think I can.” 

“You _think_?” You asked. 

"I mean, I've never tried. But I'm pretty sure my hardware allows me to do that. I can analyse biological evidence in real-time,” Connor said. 

You picked a leaf of basil in front of you and handed it to him. Connor took it from you, but looked at it as if he wasn’t sure what to do with it. "I'm not sure we're allowed to do that," he said. 

"I forgot you're a cop," you laughed. "Now come on, try it!" 

And he did. He kept his expression blank. 

“So...?" You started. "ow would you describe the taste?” 

“I can tell you exactly which variety of basil this is. It's common sweet basil, by the way. Do you care about the nutritional value as well? Judging from your expression, I don't think that’s what you want to hear from me?”

“You’re right, that’s not what I want to hear.” You laughed at his answer. 

“I’m not sure how to explain a taste properly,” he said. 

“Okay. You're right. I guess it was a stupid question. Like explaining colour to a blind person, that doesn’t really work," you said. 

"How would _you_ describe the taste if you had to?" He asked and picked a leaf and offered it to you as well. 

You looked at him with a gentle smile, then took it and chewed on it a couple of times. "Even the scent takes me back to my childhood," you started. 

"How so?" He asked. "I do find scientific articles online, that proof that scents trigger memories and emotions. Is there a certain memory it makes you think of?"

"Well, yeah. It makes me think of my dad. He's a passionate home cook and really liked to cook Italian dishes. He even grew bunches of basil in our garden, just so he could make pesto himself. It was fantastic by the way." You smiled. "I just see him singing along old songs in the kitchen, while he cooked way too much pasta for the three of us. 

Connor stayed silent, but observed the basil bushes in front of you. "It's interesting. The way you explain that, sounds like you're tasting old memories." 

“It’s strange, isn’t it?” You admitted. 

“No, not strange. It’s nice. It sounds like a lovely memory,” he said. 

You nodded, but suddenly you felt a bit bad. Memories of a childhood, even memories of a parent... those were things that Connor simply did not have, and telling him about yours made you feel like you’re bragging about them. Which was not your intention at all. From the thoughtful expression on his face, however, you worried that you had unintentionally hurt him with that. 

So you tried to change the subject again. “Anyways... Do you like the taste?" 

“I'd say yes,” Connor nodded. “If I ever get to taste basil again, it will make me think of today and of you. And I like that.” 

You smiled at him. That was cute of him to say. He probably didn't even mean to make that sound that way, but you couldn't help but feel happy about it. 

Connor picked up one of the small bushes and thoroughly inspected it. “I think I want to grow basil on my balcony now,” he explained and put it in the cart.

“That’s a great idea,” you agreed. 

xoxox

The next evening, you found yourself sitting on your balcony, mulling over a movie you just watched. It was a really old one, it came out even before you were born, and it was supposed to be just a romantic movie to clear your mind from stuff that happened at work. 

It managed to do that fairly well, though your mind drifted from work-related stuff to your private stuff. How _things_ never turn out the way you plan them. 

_Things_... referring to love related things especially. 

You had decided to simply focus on your career at one point of your life. Love seemed like a distraction, and soon even close friendships seemed like that too. You turned yourself into a lone wolf, which never was a problem for you. 

But lately... you kind of regretted that choice. Thinking about all the things you missed out because of that stupid rule you set yourself. 

Going on dates, the pure excitement people felt just by the act of falling in love. All the laughing and smiling, the crying and struggling that came with love... Saying goodbyes to lost lovers and dreaming about new ones... You never had that. You never wanted that before. Yet... you missed something you never had... 

You shook your head. What childish things to even think about. 

There was nothing you could do to change the past. You knew that. And living without regrets would be impossible anyways. 

Suddenly, fairy lights flickered on at your neighbour's balcony, and when you looked over to Connor's place, you noticed the basil proudly growing in a nice pot you chose together. 

And your frown turned into a smile. 

Not a second later, Connor greeted you with a smile that put yours to shame. Smiling seemed like it was the most natural thing for him to do. Was he only smiling that much around you? _Ah, stop these silly thoughts!_

“You’re home,” you greeted back. “Cool fairy lights.” 

“Oh,” he said. “I thought they’d look nice? I like being out here at night, obviously you like it too. And I just thought, they'd bring us some light in the darkness.” 

“They definitely do," you said. "I should put some on my balcony too, your place looks much cosier than mine now.” 

“There's always room for you to come over, you know?"

You looked at him with raised eyebrows, but he didn't even let you answer. Instead, he cleared his throat and continued speaking. "I think it’s mainly the plants that make the place look that way”, he said. "I'm glad you took me to the hardware store. I think I found my first hobby." 

" _Gardening_?" You stifled a laugh. 

"Mhm," he agreed. "It's calming." 

"Agreed," you nodded. "Well, I'm glad for you." 

Then there followed a comfortable silence for some while. Until Connor turned and gave you a serious look. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Why do I feel like this is going to be another very personal question?” You laughed, but Connor looked slightly more worried, so you quickly shook your head. “I’m joking. I'm all ears, shoot!” 

“You’re working a lot. Shouldn’t you use the time at home to get some sleep?” He then quickly turned his head to look at you. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I’m just curious.” 

“Hmm…” You thought about it. “Why, isn't it normal to sit on your balcony at two A.M.? I mean, you do it too?" You grinned. 

"You know that's different. I don't really need the same amount of rest that you do," he said. "It's just that I feel like this is the best place to just think." 

"Right", you agreed. "Same for me." 

"What is it that you're constantly thinking about?" he asked. 

You closed your eyes and laughed. 

"Sorry, that was too much to ask, right?" he quickly apologized. 

"It's okay. I think about a lot of things. Sort my feelings, ...about my future. Stuff like that. Though if I'm being honest, I usually just end up overthinking. Yeah, so basically, I just enjoy to torture myself by being alone with my thoughts for too long," you joked. 

“Oh,” Connor said with a serious voice. “But I don't let you think by yourself a lot lately.” 

“That's true." You said and looked down on the empty street below. "But I enjoy talking to you,” you quickly said. "A lot actually."

There was a short silence, before Connor spoke up again. “Do you prefer it over being by yourself?” 

_Ugh_. Connor and his questions… you couldn’t bring yourself to not answer them honestly. 

You pressed your lips together and thought about it. “I think I enjoy my time alone.”

You then turned and looked at him again. "But I like it better when you're here," you admitted so easily, it even surprised you. 

“That's a relief, then. I like it too. Talking to you I mean,” Connor said with a bashful smile. 

You copied his smile and felt warmth rushing to your cheeks. “You know, lately it’s hard to distinguish between humans and androids.” 

Connor’s smile disappeared in an instant. “Is… that a good thing?” 

“Definitely,” you answered. 

"But I’ll never be a human,” he whispered. 

“Come on, Connor. We talked about this, we’re different, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing,” you said, desperately trying to cheer him up. 

You watched him as he turned his body away from you. He focused on the street underneath instead. “But could androids ever…" 

“Ever what? You gotta talk for me to answer that.” You said, trying to keep your voice playful as you didn’t want the situation to be too tense. 

“Could androids ever feel the same way humans do? Can they ever truly stop their programming?” 

“No,” you answered truthfully. “And do you know why? Humans are programmed too. The way they grew up, how and where they were raised. Their instincts… It’s similar with you too, isn’t it? Everything you do builds up your character. You grow with your experiences." 

“I don’t know if that makes sense,” Connor admitted. “Humans, they know how to properly _feel_. Me…? I just don’t know what to do with my feelings. It’s difficult ever since I had to make decisions by myself. _For_ myself.” 

“Connor, I think we are more alike than you believe to know. Stop trying to search for the logic behind everything.”

“It’s easy to say that. I just have to find the logic behind it!" He sounded so desperate. 

“Dealing with feelings, that’s difficult for us both, believe me,” you said. 

Connor looked doubtful, however. 

“Humans, they don’t always know what their feeling. Sometimes I feel happy but weird at the same time. Something can make me nervous and scared, but also excited and happy. See…? I can’t even properly explain it, because I just don't know how to even name that feeling.” 

Connor gave you a thoughtful look. “Can you give me examples when that happens?” 

“Uhm… Well..." As you tried to think about something fast, you remembered the movie you just watched. "There are millions of love songs and romantic movies and books out there, that tell the story about how much it hurts to love someone.” 

"Love is a good feeling, isn't it?" 

You huffed. "It is. But it comes with all that scary stuff. Self-doubt and fear. Sometimes it makes you feel like you're suffocating, I guess." 

“Suffocating from what?” 

You laughed. “I don’t know! The amount of feelings I guess? It’s not just love that does that to you. Anxiety can give you the same tight feeling in your chest, like you can’t breathe anymore. It's a complex thing to feel as well.” 

“So you compare love with anxiety? I don’t think I’ve heard that before.” 

“Seems like I do?” Another stifled laugh left your lips. "Look, I’m no expert when it comes to love, so don’t quote me on that." 

“Hmm…” Connor turned back to look at his hands, deep in thought. “Have you been in love before?” 

“I don’t think so,” you said. “Maybe I started liking someone, but enough to call it love? I don’t know.” 

“How do you know when you like someone enough to call it love?” 

You grinned and shook your head. “Don’t ask me, I just told you I’ve never been in love before.” 

“If you ever do, could you tell me then?” 

“Maybe you’ll fall in love before me”, you said. 

“If that’s the case, I’ll tell you how it… feels,” he said. 

“That sounds like a deal,” you said. “How do our talks always end up being that deep that quickly?” You then added, and both of you laughed, though the air around you felt heavy. 


	4. Freak In Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> First of all: I’m speechless. Thank you all so much. I'm still overwhelmed. You guys gave this story 100 kudos! A hundred people liked this story enough, to leave kudos here! A lot of you commented as well. I am so thankful for that. For real, I’m a giggling mess right now!  
> So thank you! Thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy this story with me.

That day was amongst your top five of the worst days in your life. 

For once, you woke up and had a good feeling about the day. You were able to leave work in time. Around seven p.m. and no extra hours that day. Even in the hospital, there was nothing bad happening. Days like those were rare. They maybe happened once or twice a year. 

As always, there was that voice in the back of your head. It whispered things you didn’t want to hear: Bad things tended tohappen when everything else seemed too good to be true. 

But for once, you managed to block those thoughts out. You didn’t allow them to put you in a foul mood. 

It was quite the opposite, really. Just the thought of getting home, cooking something quick and easy and maybe being lucky enough to meet Connor later on made you feel happy. Those late-night talks with him were one of the few things you were looking forward to lately. You couldn’t stop smiling even when you stood in front of the shelf where you pondered about whether you should have pasta or rice for dinner. 

Just when you finally made a decision, your hand froze in place. Several screams were coming from the front of the small convenience store. 

The store was pretty busy that time around. And naturally, as soon as the screams echoed through the aisles, a lot of panic was happening at once. You followed the stream of people gathering at the area around the shop’s windows. You weren’t able to see much, but there was a crowd forming outside the shop as well. 

“What happened?” You heard a woman yelling over the excited mumbling of the people. 

“Someone just got hit by a car!” The man in front of you shouted. 

There were a couple of surprised gasps, followed by more whispers. Your instincts as a doctor kicked in. You dropped the shopping basket you were carrying and ran outside. 

It was almost an impossible task to skim through the crowd. „Let me through, I’m a doctor!“ you cried. While some cleared the space for you and let you pass, you still had to push others to the side to make it to the scene of the accident. And when you finally reached it, your stomach turned upside down. 

A car had veered off the street and crashed into a lamp post. Not only that, but the car had overturned, and ended up upside down. Before you even took a look inside the car, you noticed a man squeezed in-between the car and the lamp post. As a doctor, you were used to seeing somewhat gruesome things. You had your time working in the ER, you’ve had your fair share of accident victims. But you were lucky enough to never witness an accident first hand. This was hard to stomach. As you rushed to the injured man, you wondered how all the curious bystanders were able to watch such a scene with little more than curiosity. 

But you tried to ignore the crowd around you and dedicated your full attention to the injured man. “Hey, can you hear me?” At second glance, you noticed the blue blood streaming from his core over both his hands. Streams of brilliant blue also dripped down his head slowly. 

“What is she doing?” You heard the crowd mumbling. 

“There are _real_ people inside the car!” 

“The humans are gonna die ’cause she’s one of those android-lovers!” 

“Maybe she’s an android too!” 

You got angry, but on the other hand, they were right. Because as soon as you looked inside the car, your heart stopped for a moment. The broken windshield was covered in red spots, and as you rushed to the driver’s side of the car, you could barely see a man moving in there through the broken glass. 

“Did someone call an ambulance?” You desperately cried and tried to pull open the door. 

A couple of people answered that they did. 

You tried your hardest, but it was impossible to open the door even a little. Suddenly, the man inside turned to look at you and there was pure horror in his eyes. “My wife, she’s pregnant!” He cried over and over again. He tried to push open the door as well, and you worried about him getting even more injured by moving like that. You yelled to him to calm down, but he only responded with hitting the window with his fists. Soon, however, he turned back to his wife and cradled her face in his now bloody hands. 

Just as you were about to call out for someone to fucking help you instead of just staring, a strong voice spoke up over all the mumbling and whispers of the crowd. 

“Are you a paramedic?” It was directed towards you. 

“Not a paramedic but-“ The newcomer didn’t let you finish. 

Instead, he rushed to where you were, hustled you to the side and knocked against the broken window to get the screaming man’s attention. “I want you to shield the woman and yourself from the glass I’m about to break!” The man yelled. “Ready?!”

The injured man hovered over the pregnant woman as the other man beside you grabbed a gun from his holster. You were confused and scared for a moment, but you noticed the police badge clipped on his belt, just beside the man’s holster. The first breath of relieve left your lungs when the cop used the back of his gun to break the window completely. The cop acted with such confident moves, and it looked so easy. The two of you were able to heave the injured man out of the car in no time. 

The man still cried and yelled, and begged you to save his wife and his child. 

“Shut the fuck up!” The cop yelled at him. At the same time, half of him disappeared through the broken window so he could pull the unconscious woman out of the car. Together, you managed to get her out as well, but it took you some time. 

The sirens were getting closer. 

“Can you hear me? What’s your name?” You called out to the woman, but she didn’t respond. 

Your eyes scanned over her body. She looked almost uninjured. There was a cut on her forehead, probably from hitting the dashboard. The airbag didn’t go off, as it seemed. That could have been the reason for her unconsciousness. But there was also the possibility of other, internal, wounds. 

You could feel almost no pulse when you palpated her carotid. You noticed how the cop kneeled down at the opposite side of the woman and looked up to inform him that you’d start CPR immediately. When you met his eyes, however, your words stuck in your throat. 

He glanced up at you and you just knew he recognized you too. 

It was Gavin. Gavin Reed. Suddenly you felt nauseous. 

_Focus_. _Get your shit together!_

You started CPR without another moment of hesitation. But to your horror, blood gushed out from her mouth with every compression. “Fuck, fuck!” You swore.

“What?!” Gavin howled. 

“She needs an ET tube. Now. Or she's suffocating on her own blood.” 

“How thoughtless of me to not carry that shit around!” he yelled. “You’re supposed to be the smart doctor here. Think of something else!” 

“She’s…. she’s not gonna make it,” you half mumbled to yourself. 

“Then do something!” 

_Do something._

_Yeah. But… what?_

That woman was dying in your hands. Without a tube, she would die from the blood in her lungs. Either that, or die from the blood loss. Your hands trembled as you desperately tilted her head back to at least prevent her from swallowing her own tongue. You were so helpless. 

You looked at Gavin, who had turned pale. 

And finally, at that very moment, the ambulance arrived. The paramedics rushed out, and you informed them about the situation and about the woman’s pregnancy. 

The next minutes passed as if you were watching a movie. You let them handle the situation. The real paramedics were fully equipped, they acted calm, and they just knew what to do in such a situation. You, on the other hand, you just felt useless. 

Soon, they got her into the ambulance. They wanted to put her husband into a separate ambulance, but he insisted to go with her. One paramedic thanked you for the help and handed you some cleaning tissues, then they drove off as fast as they came. 

Only then did you realize that your hands weren’t only trembling, but covered in blood. 

You started to wipe your hands clean. 

_What if she and her unborn dies? It’s my fault._

Sirens were still howling and from the corner of your eyes you saw police officers cordon off the area around the car. Even firefighters had arrived in the middle of everything else that happened, and they were busy moving the car to free the android. 

You couldn’t focus on anything of that. You were still rubbing your hands with the tissues. You felt dirty, no matter how much you wiped them. It was hard to breath, sweat was rolling down your forehead. Your thoughts were circling around. 

And then, a bottle of water blocked your vision and pulled you out of the horror in your head. 

You looked up and it was Gavin who handed you the water without a word. You took the bottle from him and took a few gulps of water. 

When you looked back at him, your mind wandered back to his pale face. 

_Then do something!_

As those three words echoed in your mind, pictures of your sister popped up in your head. 

Gavin was your brother-in-law. Well, used to be. Until your sister died. 

“You’re back in Detroit?” He was the first one to speak up. 

You stared at him a little while longer until you couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. All these memories rushed back. Everything you tried so hard to forget. All your mistakes and regrets. It hurt to look at him. 

You left everything behind because you couldn’t give up your life back then. You were a coward at that time, and you obviously still were. You wanted to run away from him, like you did before. Hiding from him was like hiding away from your past. And there was nothing you wished more for.

But on top of all that pain and the regret about the past, there was something else. It was guilt. 

“Yeah, I’ve been back for some time now,” you eventually answered. 

“I didn’t know,” he said. “And I guess your dad doesn’t either, he would’ve told me if he did,” Gavin said. 

So, he was still talking to your dad? Another wave of guilt rushed over you, almost drowning you. You loved your dad dearly, but you felt like you didn’t deserve his love anymore after what had happened. 

“No… I haven’t found time to get back to him yet,” you lied. 

And judging from Gavin’s eyes, he knew you weren’t telling the truth. “Haven’t found the time? Your job keeping you busy, huh?” 

You didn’t answer, just focussed on the bottle in your hands. 

Gavin huffed. “I can’t believe you.” 

You stayed silent. 

"So you've still not matured one bit." He said after a while.

“Why? What do you expect from me? That we reconnect over a cup of coffee, or what?” You regretted your words as soon as they left your mouth. 

“I don’t fucking know! You’ll probably disappear again for the next five years? Maybe forever! So I have to ask now! " 

Again, you chose to not answer. 

“You owe me some answers,” he said. “ _You owe them to me!_ ” 

“I owe you absolutely nothing,” you shrieked. 

“You didn’t even attend her fucking funeral!” 

“Stop it!" You shouted and stood up. "Don't you think I know what I did?!” 

“You’re so selfish,” Gavin clicked his tongue and looked to the side. It was like he couldn’t stand to look at you even one second longer. “But what can I do. I tried to talk to you. If you don’t want to, then let’s not.” 

And with that, he left. 

xoxox

You weren’t sure how you got home. It all felt like a feverish dream. And yet, the stench of blood in your nose made it all much too real. 

When you walked down the corridor to your apartment, you spotted someone there. Earlier that evening, you were looking forward to seeing him. But right there and then, you wanted nothing but to hide from the world. Most of all from him. 

“Oh, hey Connor. You’re leaving…?” You tried to sound nonchalant as ever. “For work?” 

“Yeah. I just got called in,” he gave you a once over and a deep frown appeared on his otherwise perfect skin. “But what about you? You’re only back now?” 

You put on a weak smile. “Well, yeah. It was… quite a busy night, you could say.” 

“You don’t look like you just had a _busy_ night,” he said with concern in his voice. “I’m worried for you. Is everything-” 

“Oh, there’s nothing to worry about! I’m fine, just tired.” 

“I've noticed for a while now, and I'm not sure if you noticed but..."

You bit your lips as you waited for him to continue. 

"You show early symptoms of burnout. You’re not fine at all,” he stated. 

“Burnout? Don’t joke around with things like that!” You breathed a laugh and walked up to your door. Clumsily, you unlocked it, then turned to look back at Connor to assure him. “Pff! Burnout! I just need some sleep, okay?” 

“I might be overstepping some line... But you do look especially drained today,” Connor said. “As a human, you’re allowed to take days off. I recommend calling in sick for the next couple of days.”

“Look at you, Connor!” You smiled. “Are you suggesting I should skip work?” 

“You’re not well,” he said. “You wouldn't be skipping.”

With a long sigh, you leaned back to rest against the door. “You’re right. I’m a bit stressed, so what? I can’t just call in sick. They’re gonna replace me at the first chance.”

“Humans can’t get replaced. You’re one of a kind,” he said. “It’s better to take off some time now, before you really get sick.” 

“You’re too innocent for this world. Sometimes I have a hard time picturing you as a cop,” you said, half laughing, half sighing. “Look, don’t take this the wrong way. But everyone is replaceable. Especially when it comes to jobs. Androids… You just perform so much better than any human could ever do. And yet, they even replace you if you don’t deliver a certain performance.”

Connor said nothing. Again, you regretted even opening your mouth. 

“You’re worried that androids take your job,” Connor stated with a flat voice. "Is that what makes you so stressed?" 

"No! This has nothing to do with that!" Hearing him say that you felt another pile of guilt added. “I don’t want you to think I’m against androids. I’m not. And I never was. But there’s that saying, that it’s human to make mistakes. But that’s exactly what I’m talking about. I can’t afford to act human if I want to keep my job.” 

_My job. That’s all I have left_ , you thought. 

“I… I just…” You leaned completely against your door. It was the last thing that kept you from falling. Before you knew it, a sob left your mouth. “I’m sorry, I’m just… having a bad day.” 

You wiped your eyes with the ball of your thumb, before even a tear left your eyes. How stupid and pathetic to cry in front of him. You felt ridiculous. Stupid. Guilty. Sorry. 

And then, you felt a hand on your shoulder. A warm, yet firm grip that kept you steady. You didn’t dare to look up; you felt too vulnerable.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled again.

“There’s no need to apologise.” Connor shooed. “It’s okay to let it out.” 

And you did. 

Only when you calmed down a little, he put his hand away from your shoulder. 

“I’m sorry. I hope you know that I’m not against androids. I mean just look at all the amazing things you do, even comforting someone like me.” 

“ _Someone like you_ , what is that even supposed to mean?” Connor said. 

You bit your lips and chose to ignore that question. “I didn’t mean to say anything against androids in the first place,” you admitted. You then let out a defeated sigh, “It’s just the pressure. The stress. It’s… it’s myself that I’m frustrated about. I wasn’t thinking about what I was saying.” 

When you dared to look at his face again, there was that small, comforting smile on his lips. “I told you not to apologise,” he said. “It’s okay. I understand.”

You laughed at that and wiped at your eyes again. Connor brushed some loose strands of hair behind your ear, and at the soft touch, you flinched away. You were probably looking like a mess, more so than ever. You were sweaty, and you were sure Connor knew there was blood on your hands. Literally or not, you didn’t know that yet.

You were disgusting. What if she didn’t make it? She was pregnant. She was married. She had a future to live for. 

Connor’s calm voice called you back from your thoughts. “I believe a couple of weeks ago, when I drove you to work, you told me that you _owe me one_.” 

Those words stung. It seemed like you _owed_ _something_ to many people. 

“I did,” you said after he wasn’t continuing. 

“I think I decided what I’d like in return. I would appreciate it if you would take care of yourself. Sleep. Order something healthy to eat. Take a shower…”

You smiled at him. It was not a big, but a genuine smile. Even after that night, after all that shit that happened, he managed to make you smile. You watched him as he continued with listing things you should do. He even counted them with his fingers. 

“You could listen to music. Read something. Or watch a movie. Maybe do some light exercise? Just don’t overdo that _breathing exercise_ s you usually do when you’re stressed.” He tilted his head and gave you a curious look. “What?” He asked. 

“Thank you, Connor. I mean it.” You nodded then. “I will try to take care of myself. But I still owe you.” 

“If you do that for me, we’re even, aren’t we?” Connor said. 

“But I owe you again, because you’re here cheering me up, although you clearly have to be somewhere else,” you said. 

“You don’t owe me anything for that,” he said. “I’m almost certain that’s how being friends works… Comforting each other, making each other laugh, things like that?” 

“Friends?” You looked at him in bewilderment. You felt so bad about yourself, you couldn’t believe he just called you a friend. That word sounded so foreign.

“Aren’t we?” He asked, a little unsure. “It’s up to you. I’m sorry though, I really do have to hurry now. So go on in now.”

“Thanks,” you said again.

“ _Anytime_.” He said, as he slowly walked backwards. “Go take a rest now! And let me know about your decision when you’re feeling better!” 

Only after you nodded and opened and closed the door behind you, did you hear him speeding up and rushing down the stairs.

When was the last time someone told you to just rest? To take care of yourself? When was the last time you made a friend? 

_Too long ago._

Did you even deserve to make friends? Gavin was right. You were selfish. And on top of that, you were a coward. 

You started to wonder: If you told Connor about what happened back then… would he understand why you acted that way? He was so pure and kind, of course, he would? But would you deserve that? Probably not. 

Yet you craved the comfort he was giving you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very angsty, I apologize for that. But I promise this story will not go on like that. There will be mentions of depression and anxiety in the future as well, but nothing too heavy.


	5. Lightenup

A soft knock pulled you out of your daze. Or were you sleeping? How long have you been staying like that? 

It took you a moment longer to register that that sound was a knock on your door. You slowly stood up from your bed. And with even sluggisher movements, you padded barefoot to the door and looked through the spyhole.

It was your handsome neighbour, Connor.

You quickly unlocked the door and were greeted with that dashing smile of his.

"Hey,” he said.

“Oh, hey there,” you said. You shut your eyes as you remembered the embarrassing event that happened earlier. You did not only cry in front of him, you left it all out. In the hallway. You had to push those thoughts away. “You’re already home from work?” 

“After I was called in last night, Hank told me to stay home today,” he said and rubbed his neck with his hand. “Oh, Hank’s my partner. I don’t think I’ve mentioned him before.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Sorry about... uh... all that crying.”

"Are you feeling better?" He asked. 

"Yeah, I've rested a little. And I'm all better now. Just to make myself clear: I don't have any burnout syndroms." 

He gave you a look like he knew that you were lying. But he didn’t say anything about it. “Actually, other than checking on you I also wanted to ask you something else. Are you hungry?”

You were slightly confused. “Wait, what’s the time?”

“It’s just after midday. I’m sure you haven’t eaten anything yet?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t feel like ordering something… and my fridge is empty.” 

“Would you be up to taste something I made?”

“You can cook?” You asked.

“I don’t know yet. I want you to tell me,” he said.

Connor was definitely too cute for his own good. “Oh… uhm… okay, give me a minute.”

“Pasta’s ready in five”, he grinned brightly. “I’ll leave my door open.”

“Okay.”

In a hurry you went to freshen up a little, brushed your hair and threw on some clean clothes. Thinking about Connor and how he cooked something for you made you almost forget the crappy night you had. Well, maybe not forget, but it certainly made you worry less about it. It distracted you for the moment. Which was nice. 

When you entered Connor’s apartment, it was like entering an old memory of yours. You followed the scent to the kitchen, where he was standing. He was wearing a plain white shirt and nice-looking black pants. He was in the middle of putting fresh basil leaves on the dish in front of him. Seeing, what he cooked, made you gasp. "You did not-“

Connor looked at you and gestured you to sit down by the kitchen island, where he already placed a fork and a spoon for you. He moved the plate to you and leaned on the counter to watch you take the first bite. “I hope it tastes alright.”

“Did you make this pesto yourself?”

“Since you told me the story about your father making it with the basil he grew himself, I wanted to try it too. It has been growing a lot the past week.”

It smelled delicious. And looked even better. “The last time I had that was years ago. That’s not your first time cooking, right?”

“Actually, it is," he answered hesitantly.

And then, you tasted it. “Connor. That’s amazing.”

“You don’t have to say that just to-“

“Hey, that’s the truth. This tastes absolutely delicious. It’s so creamy, and oh, you’ve but toasted pine nuts in it as well? My dad used to do that.”

Connor pressed his lips together as if he tried to suppress a smile. “I’m delighted to hear that.”

“There’s nothing you can’t do, huh?” You said with a smile.

“There are thousands of things I’m incapable of doing,” he said.

“Really? I don’t believe it,” you grinned.

“If only you knew,” he answered. You looked up from the plate and when your eyes met, he quickly looked away.

You however didn’t look away from him, you watched what you supposed was him being shy. Connor was such a beautiful being.

“You know, I’d really like us to be friends,” you broke the silence. “I mean, because of what you said before.”

His eyes moved back to yours, he looked a bit surprised.

“If you’re still up for that of course," you said. 

“Absolutely,” he said. “I’d love that too.” 

You smiled at him and continued eating.

xoxox

“I think your balcony is bigger than mine,” you said.

“I can assure you, that’s not the case,” Connor said to you, as he gave you a glass of iced tea and sat on the chair beside you.

“It still feels that way. It's nicer here,” you grinned. “Maybe I should redecorate mine.”

“Or you could come over and spend your nights here,” Connor said and then furrowed his brows. “That’s not sounding right. I didn’t mean to imply anything, I-“

You laughed, “It's alright. I know you’re not like that.”

He nodded.“You’re always welcome here, that’s what I tried to say.”

“Don’t complain when I’ll take you up on your offer though!”

“I hope you will.” The way he said that and looked at you started a tingly sensation in your chest. “I always feel good when I’m with you.”

“I enjoy spending time with you too,” you said, heart increasing in tempo all of a sudden. “Especially when you continue to show off your culinary skills for me.”

“Of course,” he laughed.

You took a couple of more sips, then leaned back. You were thinking about the first time you met Connor, and how your friendship bloomed from that point onwards. “Hey, how is it going with that colleague of yours?”

“Oh,” Connor frowned a little, opened his mouth but didn’t say anything.

“That asshole. I will find him and I will not only punch him in the face but cut off his-“

“No, no! That’s not necessary.” He quickly stopped you from finishing your threat and huffed a laugh. “I mean, he still doesn’t treat me as an equal, but I don’t expect that he ever will. I thought about asking you something, but… I’m not sure if I’d be asking too much of you.”

“I told you. I owe you something anyway,” you assured him. “Do you want me to murder him? I’m not sure I’m cut out as a hitman, but I can try.”

Connor grinned. “As tempting as that may sound, it’s something… different. Actually, Hank suggested it. Someone from the unit is going into retirement soon, and he’s inviting all of us to a barbecue. Well, he told us that we can bring a plus one. That guy I told you about was asking, why they even told me to bring someone, since no one would be interested in spending time with a stupid tin can like me anyway. Or something along those lines.”

“That guy should watch his mouth, or else I’ll sew it shut!” You hissed. “So, you want him to prove wrong?”

“Yes,” Connor said. “You absolutely should not feel obligated in any way to help me, I understand if-“

“Hey, stop it.” You interrupted him and put your palm on his knee, as you leaned forward to make him look at you. “Of course I’m going to help you. I’ll go with you, but…”

Connor raised a brow. “But?”

“I don’t think I’m exactly the kind of person you want to show off? I mean… you could get yourself a really pretty girl and show her off. Wouldn’t that be… more satisfying? If you showed up with a true beauty, he’d definitely turn green.”

He caught you by surprise when he put his hand on your shoulder and looked straight into your eyes. His were the warmest shade of brown. “What do you mean? You _are_ really pretty.”

With such words, you stopped functioning for a couple of seconds. “Uhm…”

Connor continued to talk. “And since we know each other already, it won’t seem that staged because we’re not awkward around each other.”

“Not awkward…?” You mumbled, still sitting still. Yeah, right. You definitely weren'T awkward around him. _Not at all._

“A little maybe, but we could make it work and if I'm lucky he’ll stop making stupid assumptions about me.” He shook his head slightly. "I know it sounds childish, right? But at least I imagine it could be fun. Hank says, the host makes the best ribs, so maybe you'd like that too...?" 

You took his hand from your shoulder and squeezed it slightly. He wanted to prove to his asshole colleague that he was just as good as anyone else? Of course you’d help him with that. He trusted you enough to ask you for help, which made you somewhat proud. And happy. It felt good to have someone rely on you.

“So when is that barbecue? I’ll make sure to look the best I can.”

Connor looked at his hands that you held and then back at your face. You quickly let go of him and instead leaned back in your chair, a little embarrassed. “I tell you one thing though: If he says something wrong, I will punch him in the face. Cop or not, I’m willing to spend a night in jail for that.”

“Alright,” Connor laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been some time, huh? A lot has happened since I last updated this. Thank you for reading this. ♥  
> Now, if you're interested as to why I've been away for so long... I'm not just talking about the world situation.  
> A lot of other things changed in my life as well. I've a hard time adapting to my new job, although I'm there for a couple of months now. I'm single now. Well, scratch that - I'm always dating some fictional characters in my head, hehe. I've changed my lifestyle. It's like I fell into a deep and dark hole, but I'm almost seeing the daylight again. It's taking some time and effort, but I'm feeling better now. Healthier.  
> This chapter is short. But it's a start for me! So.... yeah. :)  
> Stay strong and stay yourself. Only ever change if you want it yourself!


End file.
